Over the years, since I have had my own little family, these traditions have changed a bit. My parents and brothers are not always with me, we may not go to large family parties and have lots of company and early in my marriage, it was just the two of us, cuddled on the couch, watching the ball drop and counting down the seconds. Still, as I heard Dick Clark begin the countdown, I closed my eyes, said my prayers, made my wishes, held on tight to my loved ones and remembered everyone and everything I have been blessed to have in my life.
This year I missed the New Year. I was alone...in bed...fast asleep. To the disappointment of everyone, I came down with a bug that knocked my socks off for 24 hours. I banished everyone from my room (and the house) in hopes of containing the sickness. The New Year came quietly, on a cold night, with people tip-toeing around the house, blowing kisses from the door of my bedroom.
I have NEVER missed a New Year and I found it disorienting. I did not greet 2011 with my best face on, I did not have any hands to hold, I did not help count down the seconds, nor did count my blessings.
The entire next day I was mired in resentment. I was groggy and sore from laying around all day. Angry at myself for not at least waking up to see the ball drop. Feeling ugly and disheveled ...my New Year's Eve dress still hung in my closet. It was just another day...nothing special.
Here is where I begin to make my confessions. I'll admit that I felt cheated out of 2011. I felt left out and forgotten. Later, when I did go out into the world, I felt like a big disappointment. I had ruined everyone's New Year's Eve. Then I began to count the times I thought of myself.
On the Eve of 2011, I forgot to think of YOU. YOU who loves me with or without my make up. YOU who blows kisses from the door. YOU who tucked me in and checked on me all night. YOU who wished me well the next day. YOU who chooses to believe in me. YOU who pushes me to dream. YOU who makes me feel beautiful and present and at peace. When I closed my eyes before the stroke of Midnight, I forgot to thank the Universe for filling my life with YOU.
So I am doing it over...right now...New Year's Eve 2010-2011. I am closing my eyes, holding on tight and counting...I am counting all the YOUs that have made me LOVE. All the YOUs that have given me PEACE and all the YOUs that have been PRESENT.
Have a blessed and peaceful 2011! My resolution is to be there for YOU.