Lost in Thought...

Lost in Thought by Millie Donovan

I am lost in thought.

In my head and in my heart,

Betrayed and betraying

My hat does not fit.

Full of angst,

Full of hope,

Restless and tired,

Wondering when I can go home.

Where is the door?

When can I knock?

Knock down all the barriers,

Forget expectations,

Forget what's right.

Go to the left,

Turn, change direction

I am lost,

In my head and in my heart.

Regretfully speaking the truth,

And thinking about all the things

That remind me of us.

Crossroads, acrylic and thread on canvas, 6"x6" © Millie Donovan

Poppin' Up At A Storefront Near You

I just completed my first solo shift at the Artisans Gallery in Mystic Connecticut and am so excited to be a part of a recent trend helping with downtown revitalization. Pop-up galleries are appearing all over city blocks, filling vacant spaces and providing venues for willing artists. The first of its kind in our area, the Artisans Gallery, is the cooperative effort of 7 local artists. Located near the corner of West Main and Pearl in Mystic, it is right in the heart of downtown and is easily accessible. We are currently open every Saturday from 12-7:30 p.m. and will be participating in the Mystic Art Night every 1st Thursday of the month from 6-9 p.m. Be sure to stop by and say hello when you are out strolling. We may not be there forever but we will be sure to let you know where we will POP-UP next!

Artisans Gallery

3 Pearl Street

Mystic, CT

See my article about Artisans recently posted on Patch.com!

Affirmative...Saying YES and believing it!

This past Saturday, I joined a group of creative ladies at Above Elite Studios for a workshop led by Laura Gaffke . We gathered to create tiny books of AFFIRMATION (an exercise that many subscribe to in their daily lives).

AFFIRMATION, saying yes, making definitive choices, stating the present and living it...positively and with self-confidence. Needless to say for me it was an exercise that I was completely uncomfortable with...like wishing on fairy dust and eyelashes.

With a deep breath I dove right in. Open mind and open heart, I reached for those wants and wrote out a list of 12 AFFIRMATIONS and created a stunning little book for me to share. Here are the results.

I would love to know what you feel about AFFIRMATIONS. Do you use them in your daily life? Have you had success? I am willing to DREAM WITH MY EYES OPEN and am in love with the idea that this little book and the work that stems from this creative exercise can help me do just that.

Confessions (or something like that)...for 2011

We are barely 3 days into the New Year and already life has presented some little challenges that I am going to have to face. Growing up, my family always celebrated the New Year together. New Year's Eve meant putting on your nicest outfit (even if you were staying home), getting together with friends and family (everyone was welcome), and staying up late. We greeted the New Year together as we counted down the seconds, saying prayers and making wishes with our eyes closed, holding hands, and remembering those that couldn't be with us.

Over the years, since I have had my own little family, these traditions have changed a bit. My parents and brothers are not always with me, we may not go to large family parties and have lots of company and early in my marriage, it was just the two of us, cuddled on the couch, watching the ball drop and counting down the seconds. Still, as I heard Dick Clark begin the countdown, I closed my eyes, said my prayers, made my wishes, held on tight to my loved ones and remembered everyone and everything I have been blessed to have in my life.

This year I missed the New Year. I was alone...in bed...fast asleep. To the disappointment of everyone, I came down with a bug that knocked my socks off for 24 hours. I banished everyone from my room (and the house) in hopes of containing the sickness. The New Year came quietly, on a cold night, with people tip-toeing around the house, blowing kisses from the door of my bedroom.

I have NEVER missed a New Year and I found it disorienting. I did not greet 2011 with my best face on, I did not have any hands to hold, I did not help count down the seconds, nor did count my blessings.

The entire next day I was mired in resentment. I was groggy and sore from laying around all day. Angry at myself for not at least waking up to see the ball drop. Feeling ugly and disheveled ...my New Year's Eve dress still hung in my closet. It was just another day...nothing special.

Here is where I begin to make my confessions. I'll admit that I felt cheated out of 2011. I felt left out and forgotten. Later, when I did go out into the world, I felt like a big disappointment. I had ruined everyone's New Year's Eve. Then I began to count the times I thought of myself.

On the Eve of 2011, I forgot to think of YOU. YOU who loves me with or without my make up. YOU who blows kisses from the door. YOU who tucked me in and checked on me all night. YOU who wished me well the next day. YOU who chooses to believe in me. YOU who pushes me to dream. YOU who makes me feel beautiful and present and at peace. When I closed my eyes before the stroke of Midnight, I forgot to thank the Universe for filling my life with YOU.

So I am doing it over...right now...New Year's Eve 2010-2011. I am closing my eyes, holding on tight and counting...I am counting all the YOUs that have made me LOVE. All the YOUs that have given me PEACE and all the YOUs that have been PRESENT.

Have a blessed and peaceful 2011! My resolution is to be there for YOU.

"Paper Roses" by Millie Donovan

May your DREAMS be pleasant and your WISHES come true

on the Eve of 2011!

Happiest of New Years to all my loving friends.

Dear God...I can't stop, I am always dreaming.

But the dream turns into a nightmare,

Images of what can't be,

Images of what is just out of reach.

The dream is always beautiful,

Gilded, resplendent,

A hope that is hopeless,

A love—loveless,

Craving, yearning but never satiated.

Content but not complacent.

As I wander through the poppy fields,

My feet are sinking,

The earth is soft beneath the fragrant flowers.

I fall and am swallowed.

Dew drops fall on my face,

Sparkling like precious stones,

Cold, wet, smelling of tea and peppermint and sweat.

My life is not my own.

At the moment when I awaken,

The colors fade,

The night is dark and charcoal gray,

Only the embers fight against the cold,

Weakly glowing in the grate of the fireplace,

But I can still smell tea and peppermint,

I can still taste the want, I can still feel...

I shiver as cold hands run down my spine—A ghost's caress,

Haunted by the back of his head as he leaves me behind.

The dark holds me in place,

Without it my world would fall apart.

I fight against the drowsiness but eventually I sleep,

Once again only to dream of a life unclaimed,

A colorful world of black and white,

Where you and I fit together like pieces in a puzzle,

Pieces long lost that have found each other,

Making everything just right...

Just right until the dawn comes and life moves on.

We stumble through this earth

Barely feeling the ground beneath our feet,

Barely noticing the clouds around our ears,

Waiting in line like good citizens,

Paying tribute to the everyday.

We are blind to the flowers growing in our gardens,

We cannot feel the air rushing past,

We hurry to our next stop, our next appointment,

We dream of our next life.

Who will we BECOME?

Who will we LOVE?

Who will let us BE?

We climb endless stairs and as we walk in circles,

We hope that our paths will cross.

For just that moment, we can dream with our eyes open.

The world of flesh and bone welcomes us and we smile,

We smile at the little boy who hands his friend a paper rose.

My Favorite Things...2010

As the New Year approaches it is time to look back and take inventory of the moments that have shaped my current existence. So here is a list of 2010's favorite things:

Painting LARGE • Filling the Gallery • Birthday Parties • Pierced Ears • Spring Fling • New York Summers • Art in the Windows • HOLDING HANDS • a Worn Leather Journal • the Smell of wet PAINT • Caprice Salad • JUMPING into the Sea • Making Hearts in the Rocks • Italian Namaste • Braces and Missing Front Teeth • Good Tidings, Great Art • a New Furry Friend • the Sunlight on the River • Kisses & HUGS • Pablo Neruda • Painting on a Lovely October Evening • LAUGHTER & Wine • FRIENDS from All Over • Poetry Read Out LOUD • Hearing "I LOVE YOU" • FINDING A PLACE OF MY OWN—Love Life & HOLD ON tight because you never know what might be beyond the bend in the road.

Alone, Together in a Crowded Room...

This is one of my favorite poems. My words, like my paintings, come directly from little moments in my life. They are moments of self-reflection. Opportunities that present themselves when I need to learn something: how to love, how to let go, how to be a good friend. At times, it is easier to accept being alone because we have no one else to worry about. But I think that loneliness is just a symptom of wanting more...wanting to love more, wanting to be more, more than what we are, more than where we are. This momentum shapes us in so many ways and at the end of the journey this want for life is what we will most be proud of.

----

Alone, Together in a Crowded Room

I miss you.

I don't know why.

How can you possibly miss someone you see everyday?

How can you possibly miss someone that was never yours?

Shared dreams connect us,

to be someone,

to be with someone,

to belong to each other.

But we are all alone in a crowded room.

Strangers and friends,

lost in the hurt,

lost in the present,

lost in familiar surroundings.

I am the same.

We remain unchanged.

But we are always changing,

always looking to the horizon,

forever in motion,

looking and searching for each other,

but gazing at the moon.

If we look back and remember...

Remember the little moments...

The moments when the world was just right.

We just might turn into pillars of salt.

Salty tears wiped from my eyes,

staining your fingers as you touch my cheek.

Lips hot on my neck.

Did I forget to tell you that you are loved?

Did I remember to listen to you when you said it to me?

The sand hastens to collect.

Time slips away with every sunrise.

But today is a cloudy day and I can only hope

that the clouds hide the loneliness I feel,

how empty I am without you,

a vessel with nothing to hold

(to have and to hold).

I am searching for my purpose.

We are yearning to belong,

to be with someone,

to be someone.

Shared dreams connect us.

But we are alone in a crowded room.

Lights dim, the crowd thins, the night is over,

and all I have to look forward to

is the sunrise on the horizon

and you gazing at the moon.

-- Millie D.

Night Lights at La Feniche, M.Donovan